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A little Modern Chanuka humor:

 I don't immediately delete all the health reminders I get from my email

 But why do I get one every day with the header Clogged Colon?

That one really sets me off

 And Ebay:

3 years ago I stopped buying on Ebay because they wouldnt let me pay in dollars only in shekels.

So why do I daily get threats that they want to cancel my account? Who cares?

 And Chanuka "messages about eating Dairy,

And defeating the cruel Greek culture of yester year?

 Is that why I am eating Greek Yogurt at 430 AM while writing this?


Okay there really are serious things to learn from this week s portion

 It says "Jacob lived in Israel" - okay,

 After making peace with his brother and escaping from a  dangerous father in law – what's "the learning" here?

 The commentators say

 "JAcob just wanted to live in peace

and then Joseph and the brothers start fighting

 Oiy Vey

 And it leads to Years of Sadness in  the

Family – and you know – in the  Whole World.


 Eventually it leads to world Famine!

Yes, and the starvation was caused by


 the ... Jews?

Wait! I didn't mean that


But in truth, that's what they were thinking –

 That "we did it" -

And the Canaanite neighbors wère

Getting NASTY.

 So Jacob was afraid like never before! And the brothers?

 Wake Up World!

The Almighty sent Joseph to

Egypt to Feed the World


 Many years ago my first Jerusalem apartment was on Simchoni Street - and next tò Dr Simchoni's apartment (no connection) who had

 all sorts of African .masks. So once  I asked him how come?

 Turns out he was sent by Israel to work in Africa in a field hospital - healing people

 for like 5 years.

 Why does Israel help out everywhere?

 Why does the portion show us how much work Jacob ha still to do?

 Is it about world peace


Is G-d is telling Jacob that the price of the Holy Land is to Help Create World Peace


So stay tuned and connected to

 The next 2 portions


Shabbat Shalom

Rabbi Andy Eichenholz